So you have a great girlfriend. But the problem is that, in the
recent past, you have found that things just seem to be too stifling
around each other. Tempers flare easily, there are tears, tantrums, and
you both end up saying and doing things that you would normally refrain
from. Once the initial flare of tempers cools down, both of you wonder
where you are heading and what’s going to happen to your relationship if
things continue this way.
Well, every relationship – even the best of them – needs some space at times. There are times you need “time out” to step back, get your breath, and get back again to make things work. You realize that you need a bit of space. But the problem is that your girlfriend tends to freak out the moment you mention the word “space” to her. She instantly believes that by “space” you mean “break up”. So your dilemma is how to get the actual idea across, in a way that will be balanced as well as not deceptive.
Well, every relationship – even the best of them – needs some space at times. There are times you need “time out” to step back, get your breath, and get back again to make things work. You realize that you need a bit of space. But the problem is that your girlfriend tends to freak out the moment you mention the word “space” to her. She instantly believes that by “space” you mean “break up”. So your dilemma is how to get the actual idea across, in a way that will be balanced as well as not deceptive.
Plan What You Are Going To Say
Most men do have difficulty in expressing themselves. Therefore, take
some time out to plan what you are going to tell your girlfriend, and
how you are going to tell it to her. Remember, that, while there is the
need to be firm, there is no need to hurt her with your words. If you
know that she has particular vulnerabilities or fears, ensure that these
are addressed. Remember, too, that girls tend to often misinterpret
things if they are not clear. Therefore, be sure that you give her exact
reasons and in a way that will leave no room for misunderstandings.
Communicate Clearly
When the time comes to actually discuss the matter of space with your
girl, first choose a place where both of you will be comfortable
talking. It is preferable to sit facing her so that you can look into
each other’s face and watch each others’ expressions as you talk. Be
prepared that you may need to make modifications to your carefully
prepared speech, based upon how the conversation goes. Be clear about
what you say and make sure that you say it in a way that does not rob
her of her dignity. Even if she has been too clingy or possessive, you
can help her to understand that without hitting her with your words.
Reassure Her
Women’s minds work in ways that are unfathomable to the male mind –
they can go around in circles before your mind has taken a turn. When
you ask for space, a woman’s mind has already done the rounds, worrying
about whether there is another woman in your life, whether you have lost
interest in her, how she can get back your interest, and a million
other things. Therefore, put her mind at rest. If you need space in
order to take care of an important work project, or if you need space to
work on your exams, make sure that this is clear to her. On the other
hand, if you want time away from her so that you can get a chance to
meet others, then make this clear to her too, so that she will know
where she stands.